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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|